Being Moony
by PBAYW
Summary: SBRL slash. Remus is coming to terms with his feelings, Sirius has an idea for a new prank. Rated to be safe. I attempted to make it funny... I probably failed. ON HOLD.
1. The Hogwarts Express

**Hey this is a story (well, duh). It's eventual SBRL. Let me know what you think and I'll write a second chapter if reviews are good and plentiful.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Harry Potter or Hogwarts or the Hogwarts Express or Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot or Prongs. If I did, it would be_ very_ different.**

**Chapter One - The Hogwarts Express**

'Hey!' Remus Lupin looked up from where he was loading his trunk on to the Hogwarts Express to see his best friend literally running towards him.

'Aah!' Remus was knocked half into the train as Sirius Black ran into him with full force.

'Get up, Padfoot, or the train's going to leave with half of you and Moony still on the platform,' They looked up and saw James Potter standing over them, a big grin on his face.

'Prongs!' Sirius jumped up from Remus and onto James and they both fell on the trolley with James' luggage which began rolling across the platform. Remus stood, rubbing his elbow, glaring a little at Sirius but also laughing a bit, which was very difficult so Remus settled for being amused; it was much more fun and, by the looks of it, James had taken over the glaring. He was giving Sirius a death glare as he supported his back. Sirius seemed supremely unconcerned and was still grinning like an idiot.

A small, round boy by the name of Peter Pettigrew approached them as James finished loading his luggage onto the train.

'Hi Wormtail.' Sirius did not jump on Peter, he had never been quite as fond of him as of James and Remus.

'Hey Wormy,' James patted him on the back in greeting.

Remus merely nodded in welcome as he was trying to stop James's trunk falling on his head and it proved a difficult task as it was very heavy.

He finally managed to steady the trunk and hopped back on to the platform, looking at James incredulously, 'What have you got in there?'

'Just the bare necessities'

With that, Sirius jumped up and began singing _'__Look for the bare necessities, the simple bare necessities, forget about your worries and your strife'_

Remus rolled his eyes and James just looked confused. 'What's he singing?' he whispered to Remus.

'It's a song from a muggle cartoon.' Remus wondered where Sirius learnt it, he was pureblood and had never had a TV.

'_I mean the bare necessities, that's why a bear can rest at ease, with just the bare necessities of life'_ Sirius stopped singing when he reached the end of the second chorus and looked at them expectantly.

Reluctantly, Remus started clapping, knowing it was exactly what he was waiting for.

James then joined in, with Peter soon following, and Sirius beamed at them.

When they had all boarded the train and it was slowly moving out of the station Sirius looked at James with an evil glint in his eye. James returned it and Remus knew what was about to happen: the first prank of the year.

'What is it this time? First prank of the year, will have to be something big and will have to scare all the first-years… are you going to do something stupid and incredibly dangerous like the time you attempted to lure the innocent small children into the Forbidden Forest? You were lucky McGonagall came. Well you weren't but the first-years who were about to be eaten were.'

'Yeah…' Sirius smiled as he remembered. 'But no, this time is going to be the best, most spectacular prank that Hogwarts has ever seen! They're going to be scared shitless!'

'Or just confused because you didn't explain the prank properly. Like the time you pretended to be a girl and then when you announced it, half of the students didn't know you had ever announced you _were_ a girl in the first place.'

'Oh yeah… Well, I want to do something like that! Yes, Moony, you've just given me the best idea! Ok, what we do is pretend I'm gay!'

'What, so you just get to run around snogging guys for a while then you go back to girls? Sure, the girls are going to be disappointed but I doubt they'll be scared shitless, as you so eloquently put it.'

'Oh yes they will be,' He paused for suspense, 'if they catch me having sex with another boy.'

Remus gaped at him.

James laughed 'Who do you have in mind, Padfoot?'

'Well, couldn't be you, Prongs, you're way too obsessed with Evans, they would take a bit of convincing to believe you now don't care about her.' James nodded, 'And not you Wormtail,' Sirius moved in his seat to look at said boy, 'I just don't think either of us would be comfortable doing that. Or _pretending _to do that.' Wormtail looked slightly relieved as he nodded too.

Remus could tell what was coming and he was already glaring when Sirius turned to look at him.

'You're gay.' Sirius said this simply and as if it was the answer to everything.

'WHAT?!' Remus jumped up and stared at Sirius incredulously, 'Why? Why would you say that? Why? Answer me goddamn it!'

'You haven't given me a chance!' Sirius stood so they were at the same level, 'I just mean, aren't you?'

'What business is that of yours?' Remus was steadily getting redder and redder in the face and his voice was getting higher and higher.

'I'm your friend and I just thought…' Sirius hesitated, 'You're right, it's not really any of my business, I just thought friends weren't meant to have any secrets, I mean, compared to your 'furry little problem' I thought this wouldn't be a big deal, but if it means that much to you, we'll never mention it again, right? I just thought that you'd help me with the prank…'

'And saying I'm gay would get me to help you? You ignorant prat!' Remus stormed out of the compartment and went in search of somewhere else to sit, not bothering to stop the flow of tears now streaming down his face. He wasn't really angry at Sirius, and he knew it, he just wasn't even sure of the answer. 'Git.'

He found a compartment with one small boy whom he supposed was a first-year. 'Can I sit here?'

The small boy nodded looking absolutely petrified. Remus sat closest to the window and stared out, noticing it had begun raining. _Perfect start to the year, _he thought, staring at the miserable looking countryside, _Sirius already hates me._

A few minutes later, he heard a knock at the compartment door but didn't bother to look up. He heard the small boy open the compartment door with, by the sounds of it, shaking hands.

'Rem,' _Since when has he called me Rem? _Remus thought, trying to block out the situation at hand. 'I'm sorry, I am, I am so sorry, I didn't mean- I just…' Sirius seemed unable to find the right words, 'Please, Moony, just come back to the compartment? I- we'll never speak of it again ok? Please, I'm so sorry, come back, everything will go back to normal, ok?'

Remus vaguely wondered why he was being so apologetic, he had hardly done anything yet there was guilt in his eyes. Remus couldn't say no to those eyes.

'Fine.' He got up and walked out into the hallway, Sirius not far behind.

'So, I've got an idea for the first prank of the year, it'll be spectacular.' James said when they entered.

Remus didn't bother listening as James went over his idea, though he gathered that it had something to do with the Giant Squid and him looking like a hero in front of Lily Evans. _Ah, well, _his mind said, _that was a bit weird but like Sirius said, we'll never speak of it again. _'That's right,' Remus responded to his mind, 'so shut up.'

He looked up to see the others looking at him, _damn, I was thinking out loud again. _'Uh, sorry, my mind is somewhere else today.' They accepted his answer and went back to discussing The Great Prank, as James had dubbed it.

Remus looked down at his book he hadn't realised he was holding and tried to read but soon gave up and let his mind wander to his best friend.

**Did you like? Review please! What should happen in the next chapters? I need inspiration! Thanks for reading.**


	2. The Plan

**A/N: ****Here is chapter two! I finally did it! Sorry for the wait (if anyone _was _waiting). I think it's ok I don't know, I'm biased to think everything I write is crap... does anyone really read these author's note thingys?**

**Disclaimer: Like I said before, I own nothing to do with anything that gets money from being sold. I don't think that sentence makes sense but you know what I mean. If you don't, I think last chapter's disclaimer was more understandable.**

**The Plan**

Remus opened his eyes to the most perfect sight he thought possible. Sirius was standing next to his bed, right in his line of vision, getting dressed. He was dripping wet, obviously having just had a shower and was in only a towel, looking for his pants. Remus closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. _You shouldn't be thinking these things, _the annoying voice of his mind said, _he's your best friend. He's a __he._

_I know, _he replied mentally, _but he's just so bloody perfect._

He opened his eyes again, just in time to see Sirius' chest before it disappeared under his shirt. He shook himself emotionally and slowly sat up, watching Sirius' every mood out of the corner of his eyes, which he found much harder to do than to just look at him directly. So he turned towards Sirius and conveniently saw James there as well and so pretended to be listening to their conversation when actually admiring the way his hair shined as he moved and the way his shirt rippled against his toned abs. _Stop. _He shook his head and James and Sirius looked at him.

'You alright mate?' Sirius asked, slightly concerned.

Remus muttered something and hurried off to the bathroom. He loved that Sirius cared about him. He had his shower and went down to breakfast half an hour late, entered the Great Hall, and immediately spotted James, Sirius and Peter with their heads together in the middle of the Gryffindor table. He sat next to Peter, as James already occupied his preferred seat, next to Sirius.

'Good, you're here, Remus.' James' tone was too brisk and awake and just business-like for Remus' liking but he looked up at him anyway. 'Stage one of The Great Prank is going to commence during lunch break. Everyone know where they have to be, what they have to do?'

Sirius and Peter nodded enthusiastically but Remus just replied with a sullen 'No.'

They all turned to him.

'No? Weren't you listening on the train? We went over it at least three times. Weren't you listening?'

Remus blushed slightly as he remembered what had been occupying his mind at that point and kept his gaze firmly away from Sirius.

'No.' He felt so small, they were all looking at him and he felt guilty for not paying attention to the first, and undoubtedly biggest, prank of the year.

'Ok,' Sirius began and Remus felt his blush return as he looked at him, 'Here's what we do. The object of the prank is to scare the first-years, amuse ourselves and, of course, look brilliant in front of the ones we love.' Sirius had a strange look in his eyes and Remus couldn't tell what it was.

'Who might be this person you love?' Remus asked, hoping he sounded like it was of no great importance.

'Never you mind about that now. The prank needs to scare, amuse and make us look like gods.'

Remus rolled his eyes but chose not to pursue the subject. 'So how are we doing that?'

'Well, we all know how well Dumbledore gets on with the Giant Squid, right?'

Remus nodded.

Sirius continued.

'Well, we've had a talk to him, so for once, this is a prank with _permission._' Sirius shuddered at the thought of not breaking rules.

'But not all of it,' James interjected, 'There are some bits we've conveniently _forgotten _to mention to Dumbledore.'

'Of course.' Remus rolled his eyes, 'so what exactly is this plan? Something to do with Dumbledore and the Giant Squid, I gather?'

'You see, the first-years have all been told how wonderful Dumbledore is, and how if he died it would signify the end of the world.'

'Ah, your rumour-spreading talent came in handy.'

Sirius chose to ignore this. 'So we're going to fake Dumbledore's death.'

'Oh Lordy.'

'The Giant Squid is a perfectly respectable way to die, don't you think?'

'Today is a perfectly respectable day to die on.' James added.

'So the small children think the world is ending? They're scared, you're amused at their panic and how is this meant to make girls love you?' Sirius snarled slightly at this and James took over answering Remus' questions.

'Well, after a couple of days of Dumbledore being dead-'

'Where will he be during that time?'

'Here, just disguised. Anyway, a few days, maybe a week after Dumbledore's death, we rescue him and he'll be fine and we'll be heroes.'

'I see. So what're we all doing while Dumbledore's 'dying'?'

'You and Sirius are around the back of the lake, getting Dumbledore out of the lake, he'll be able to dry and disguise himself by magic, you just need to be there in case the Squid turns or something.'

'Why me and Sirius?'

'Well, you 'cause you're the best at all the spells and stuff that could save Dumbledore's life. And we didn't want you to be alone. Sirius volunteered.'

Sirius nodded. Remus felt a sudden urge of affection for him and couldn't believe how hard it was to not reach out and grab Sirius' hand.

'And besides, keeping people company is the only thing he's good at.'

Sirius threw a spoon at him. James transfigured it into the first thing he thought of and, not surprisingly, it turned into a miniature, though luckily stationary and fully clothed, version of Lily Evans.

Remus was looking forward to waiting for Dumbledore to die.

**A/N: Please review! Did you like it? Did you hate it? Is it moving to quickly? Is it moving to slow? Is it funny? Is it dull? Tell me anything and everything you think of it, ok? Thankyou for reading!**


	3. The Great Prank

**A/N: Ta da! I finally updated! Not sure if it's any good but neh. Review please and I will love you forever!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. If I did, I'd be rich and shopping rather than spending my time reading and writing fan fiction.**

**The Great Prank**

As Remus and Sirius were walking around the lake to where they were meant to meet Dumbledore after his "death", Remus had a thought.

'Hey, Sirius.'

Sirius turned to face him, 'Yeah?'

'I'm just thinking, about the plan, what part of this was it that you neglected to mention to Dumbledore?'

Sirius's face broke into a wicked smile.

'Well, we didn't exactly tell him what state he would be in after being rescued.'

'And what state _will_ he be in?'

'Well, he's going to be green,'

'Green?'

'And have big purple boils,'

'Purple boils?'

'That we haven't found a cure for.'

'Sirius!'

'Hopefully by the time he's been rescued we'll have found a cure! We've been looking real hard, I swear!' Sirius looked like a child afraid of being hit by his mother and Remus felt himself pitying him instead of being mad.

'And it will scare the first years more! You know how much I love scared first years, Moony!'

'Fine.'

'Fine?'

'Yes. I'll even help you look, if you tell me what you use to make this greenness and these boils appear in the first place.'

'Oh my goodness, are you serious?'

Remus chuckled slightly, 'No, you're Sirius.'

Sirius beamed, 'You used the bad serious pun! You've never done that before! Oh my, my little Moony's growing up!'

Remus rolled his eyes but couldn't help loving how nice _my little Moony_ sounded coming from Sirius's lips, 'C'mon, it's almost time to meet Dumbledore.'

They reached their destination, and right on time, Dumbledore appeared below the surface of the water. They leaned forward to help him up and once they were all on dry land Remus performed a drying spell on Dumbledore, as he was shivering slightly.

'Thankyou, Mr Lupin.' he said pleasantly, before taking out a small potion bottle and draining it.

'What was that, professor?' Remus asked.

'Oh, just a little disguising potion.'

He then began to change and Remus and Sirius instinctively moved closer together, as the sight of their headmaster stooped over in pain was not something they were familiar with.

They looked on in shock as Dumbledore stood up straight again, in the form of a young girl.

He noted their looks of surprise and giggled.

'I thought that while I was in hiding I could observe the students and the teachers and learn more about Hogwarts than I already know.'

Remus and Sirius nodded dumbly, still standing very close together.

'So what house will you be in?' Sirius asked.

'I believe I shall consult the sorting hat about that. I presume Gryffindor. That's where I was when I was a boy.' He chuckled again and it sounded strange coming from a young girl.

'But professor,' Sirius said, 'Why a girl? You could've been a boy couldn't you have?'

'Why yes but I have found that girls are more likely to gossip.'

Remus saw the same twinkle in his eyes that had been there when he was a fully grown man and it felt strange, as though this young girl was merely his granddaughter or something.

He looked at Sirius and knew what he was thinking: _I will have to behave while Dumbledore's a girl who's listening to all the gossip._

Remus chuckled and said, 'Shall we go find you somewhere to live?' and the three of them set off around the lake where they were met with an extraordinary sight of people (mainly first years) crying, diving in the lake and teachers trying to restrain them.

'Don't know why they're diving in the lake,' Dumbledore muttered, 'It's freezing.'

Remus and Sirius grinned.

'So, what shall we call you now professor?' Sirius asked, 'You'll need a nice, girly name.'

'What do you suggest Mr Black?'

'I don't know, and you'd probably not approve of the ones I come up with anyway. Any ideas, Moony?'

Remus looked thoughtful for a minute before muttering, 'Ebony.'

'Ebony,' Dumbledore said, 'I like it.'

'Me too,' piped in Sirius, 'Where'd you get it? Do you know someone named Ebony?'

Moony ignored him, he certainly wasn't going to tell Sirius it was because his hair happened to be the most beautiful black he'd ever seen or that his last name was Black and ebony was the same thing. He wasn't going to tell him that he'd just named their headmaster after him. No, that was to remain firmly inside his head.

**A/N: You like? You hate? Haha his name is Ebony now. Suggestions, inspiration and constructive criticism are all welcome! Next chapter will see peoples reactions more clearly I hope but for now, enjoy this.**


	4. Dinner and Ebony's Arrival

**A/N: Sorry it's been so long since I've updated. But here's a new chapter, yay! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing you see here. Except Ebony McClucky. Neh you can have her. I don't like exceptions to stuff. Like 'i before e except after c! except in this word and this other word etc etc' Point is: I own nothing.**

**Dinner and Ebony's Arrival**

That night at dinner, Professor McGonagall announced to the school (who already knew of course) that Dumbledore had been taken by the Giant Squid. The first years all broke out crying at this, as though hearing McGonagall say it made it real. Sirius and James were trying not to laugh, Peter looked like he was off in lala land and Remus was quite impressed at his own acting skills - all he had to do was pretend Sirius hated him and he'd immediately sober up. He turned James and Sirius and said sharply 'Imagine this - James, Lily hates you. A lot. Sirius, whoever you love hates you a lot too, now imagine that and stop laughing or people are going to suspect it's a prank.'

He turned back to face the front just in time to see McGonagall announcing the arrival of Ebony McClucky, who was supposedly McGonagall's niece.

'Who came up with McClucky? And they shouldn't announce her now - Dumbledore goes and small girl arrives. It's a bit suspicious.' Remus said, turning to James and Sirius once more.

'McClucky's cool. Like a chicken!' Sirius said and they both started giggling.

'Shut up! They hate you! Lily hates you! Whoever you love hates you! Ok? Keep that thought in your mind, at least until the rest of the hall isn't silent!'

'Sorry,'

'Yeah, sorry,'

'Don't apologise to me, you're only making yourselves look suspicious. You're going to ruin your own prank.'

Suddenly there was a great deal of noise - it appeared they'd been dismissed.

'James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, come here please.' Professor McGonagall's magically magnified voice was easily heard.

'You know how you got permission from Dumbledore? Does McGonagall know anything about it?' Remus asked, as they pushed through the crowd.

'Yep, she knows as much as Dumbledore. Wasn't as pleased about it though.' James said.

They reached where she was standing with Dumbledore.

'Hello boys,' she greeted them.

'Hi' they chorused.

'I'd like you to show Ebony here up to her room. She'll be a second year I think?'

'I'd actually prefer third.' Dumbledore spoke up and Remus saw that sparkle again and knew that he thought thirds years were more likely to gossip.

'Ok,' McGonagall said, 'Boys, lead her up to the third year girls dormitories. I trust you know where they are?'

The three boys grinned, somewhat wickedly.

'Good. Remember, you've never met her before. And she's my niece.'

They nodded and led the way out of the Great Hall in silence.

When they arrived at the common room, James pointed out the way to the dormitories and whispered something in Ebony's ear. She giggled and left. Remus and Sirius followed him up to their dorms and asked what he'd said to her.

'I just told him to have fun getting his gossip.'

'You never would have done that if he still looked the same.' James glared a little at Remus' voice of reason and muttered.

'Sure I would've. Just never got the chance.'

Remus just chuckled and got ready for bed. It appeared Peter was already asleep.

When Remus went to get in his bed however, he saw a big black dog curled up on his pillow.

'Padfoot, just let me go to bed.'

The dog just licked Remus' hand. Remus patted him then kicked him off the bed on to the floor, where he transformed back to Sirius and got up rubbing his arse.

Remus just said 'night!' before closing his curtains and laying his head on the fur covered pillow.

He sneezed.

He sneezed again.

It was only a few days after full moon and his senses were very strong, unfortunately, so were his allergies. He got up, and, trying to relax for what he was about to do, walked up to Sirius' bed.

'You made me sneeze.'

Sirius looked up at him. 'Sorry.'

'Shove over.'

'What?'

'Well, I can't sleep in my bed, it's covered in Padfoot's fur.'

Sirius muttered something and moved over for Remus.

Remus tried to touch as much, yet as little of Sirius as possible as they lay together. He didn't want Sirius to get suspicious of him touching him, yet he couldn't be this close to him and not touch him.

He fell asleep with his arm gently resting on Sirius' and a smile on his face.

**A/N: Thanks for reading! (unless you're some weirdo who just scrolled down to read the Author's Notes.) Please Review!**


End file.
